As the Amazon rainforest burns, the lungs of the earth, producing 20% of our oxygen, being sold to the highest bidder, I reflect back at why I started this blog and collective Maia Terra. This destruction is for another post but if you are moved please donate to Amazon Watch or Rainforest Alliance.

I'm feeling the need to share more about my silence in this space because it matters to me. This blog began because I wanted to discuss a new way of being with the earth. I was frustrated that there wasn’t a place or community I could turn to at the time. I'm not sure I've shared this on here, but I was inspired by Maia, the Roman goddess of birth, the earth, growth and Terra, the earth. These two goddess, names kept coming to me in different forms. Maya also means illusion in buddhism, “Maya originally denoted the magic power with which a god can make human beings believe in what turns out to be an illusion. By extension, it later came to mean the powerful force that creates the cosmic illusion that the phenomenal world is real. For the Nondualists, maya is thus that cosmic force that presents the infinite brahman (the supreme being) as the finite phenomenal world. Maya is reflected on the individual level by human ignorance (ajnana) of the real nature of the self, which is mistaken for the empirical ego but which is in reality identical with brahman.” (taken from Britannica) and to me, our species are stuck in the illusion of separation from the earth.

The illusion we are something different than nature itself. And for us to survive, for the earth to survive, we need to birth a new way of being with and of the earth. I was yearning for a community to talk to about climate change especially as I was entering motherhood. What would my children’s future be like? As a person who received an undergraduate degree in understanding human systems' effects on the earth, I was well versed in the challenges of climate change, environmental destruction and the complex damage white supremacy + colonialism was having on women, people of color, children and the earth. 

I thought this blog could be a place where I talk about my journey to be a better citizen of the earth, my journey to heal my invisible wounds of racism, my deepening spirituality and connection to the plants, sustainability in motherhood and climate change. Under my assumptions at the time, we would be witnessing the real affects of climate change at least 20 years off. Time enough to shift our habits and patterns of being with the earth. But timelines are collapsing and things are accelerated and irreversible damage is happening.

I often feel like I try not to be alarmist, but the alarms are sounding. I try not to be too alarmist not to scare people away, but the truth of the matter is the rainforest is being destroyed by capitalists at the detriment of Brazil and the planet. We are filling the ocean, rain and snow with microplastics, the oceans are boiling wildlife and yet we continue on in our day to day lives. Which is necessary to some degree, right?!? we all need to put food on our plates, work jobs to have a roof over our heads and cannot wallow in climate grief for too long without spiraling into depression and apathy. All summer, I have been met with an ever widening chasm of cognitive dissonance. You lovely people who follow me on Instagram and here in this space are asking for recipes. "How do you make your oat milk? Do you have a recipe for that shrub it looks delicious?" I do, but I haven’t sat down to write it for you. I’ve been fully immersed in mothering my children, growing a garden and trying to sort out this shit storm in my mind.

Is it a meaningful endeavor for me to explain how I make my matcha? That isn’t a conversation about climate change, it isn’t something of substance. But does everything I share in this space have to be? Sometimes I think yes, because the reality of what we are facing is beyond urgent. Other times, I think no, because we all need levity for what we are facing. We need simple community, connection, joy and a spark of hope in the day to day. A pause, a break from the heavy to remember ourselves. But I don't think we can stay in that space either, because we need to pay attention and act. Where does balance lie?? 

I think it's why I am compelled to share the beauty in my everyday moments. Indulging in the beauty compels me to protect, to protect our lives here on this earth we are damaging so badly. 

How do we realistically straddle the multiplicities of our existence in the anthropocene? Can we really wait until 2020 to get Trump out of the White House and will that really solve the woes + destruction of capitalism on the environment? Is there a real game plan AT (after Trump)? Do we need one to start enacting change? Are there solutions that will work or have we reached a tipping point where it doesn't matter anymore?

A solution I've seen is planting trees, one trillion of them could help reverse the damage, but how does that happen and where do we plant them. Those trees must be protected and not just be cut down to create livelihood for someone. Because in many places, cutting down trees + deforestation are just people trying to provide for their families…maybe a universal basic income would help us be able to focus and tackle the complex issues at hand. If we aren’t worrying about how to feed ourselves that frees up time + space, maslows hierarchy anyone. I am not an expert, but I have always wanted to start and participate in the conversation, to get friends, family, people thinking....

And one more question, if it does come down to the 2020 election, will who we elect be beholden to the same moneyed, environment destroying interests? We really don’t have the time to find out. Individual action is important, but collective action is what is necessary. An individual bringing a reusable water bottle is great but we need mass divestment from companies like Nestle and Coca Cola who are filling plastic water bottles with groundwater aquifers that are being depleted across the world. We need to embrace a notion that consumerism is detrimental. We need to retool and rethink most parts of our social, economic and spiritual organization to reflect an equitable relationship to the earth and each other. Is this within our capacity as human beings? It is to our benefit.

How do we do that when capitalism is destroying the planet but its also helping us all survive…Do I write a post to you on a product I bought and use when I’m saying capitalism is shit. I don’t have the answers, but its felt good to write a thing to you again. Whatever this was, thanks for reading.